The Best Way to Play is to Follow Your Child’s Lead
Play is a window into your child’s imagination. It’s your child’s way of learning about the world and relating to other people. Parents can make the most of play time by following their child’s lead.
What does it look like to follow your child’s lead?
Let’s imagine two scenarios:
Mindy dumps blocks onto the floor and is banging two of them together. Her mother sits down and begins to build a tower with the blocks. Mindy looks at her mother, then back at her blocks. Her mother says, “Look, Mindy, I’m building a tower. First a green block, then yellow, then blue.” Mindy is still banging her blocks and not looking at the tower.
Jeremy dumps blocks onto the floor and is banging two of them together. His father quietly sits down facing Jeremy and watches him play. Jeremy looks at his father, then back at his blocks. Jeremy’s father picks up two blocks and starts banging them together. Jeremy looks at his father again and laughs. His father says, “we’re banging blocks!”
Understanding Scenario 1
In the first scenario, Mindy’s mother has an agenda. She wants to teach Mindy how to play with blocks by building a tower, and she wants Mindy to learn the colors. But Mindy is not interested in the tower. Her actions and body language are telling her mom that she wants to bang blocks together right now. What are the chances that Mindy will learn the block colors during this interaction? Not very good! Mindy is not interacting with or even looking at the blocks her mother is talking about, so she’s not likely to associate the named colors with the blocks in the tower.
Understanding Scenario 2
As you probably guessed, scenario 2 is an example of a parent following their child’s lead. Jeremy’s father has no expectations when he sits down. He watches his son play and then joins in the fun, commenting on what both of them are doing. He uses what Jeremy is already doing to teach him the verb “banging,” while laughing and having fun with his child. He is non-verbally communicating that what Jeremy is interested in is important, worth imitating, and even has a name. Jeremy is likely to associate the words “block” and “banging” to the blocks he is playing with, and learning will take place.
Use the OWL Method for following your child’s lead
In the book, More Than Words, Fern Sussman of The Hanen Centre describes the OWL method, which stands for Observing, Waiting, and Listening.
Observing: We start by observing what our child is playing with; what they are communicating with words, facial expression, gesture, or body language; and what they are looking at.
Waiting: Waiting forces us to give our child time to respond to a situation. Children often need more time than we realize to answer a question or make a comment. If we observe and wait (about ten seconds is a good place to start), we can discover what our child is thinking about and interested in.
Listening: Finally, listen carefully. What gestures, sounds or words is your child producing? What are they trying to tell you right now?
So, observe, wait, and listen, and then make a comment. Then OWL again. Be sure to wait before AND after you speak. You want your child to have plenty of time to communicate when you are playing together.
It’s tempting to narrate everything you and your child are doing, but this type of interaction does not leave your child the space to participate in communicating with you. You will end up talking at your child, rather than with them. Remember that communication takes two people. The more chances your child has to communicate with you, the more they will realize how exciting communication is!
Benefits to Following Your Child’s Lead
Child-led play helps them learn through what they are interested in, which supports the learning process and the belief that learning is fun. It also builds your emotional bond with your child and teaches them to trust that you understand and appreciate them for who they are.
There is no one way to play, so play your child’s way and watch you and your child’s relationship grow!
